Lessons: Counseling sessions and parenting lessons too?

Sometimes, my students have problems being bullied at school. They come to lessons acting mopey and quiet, and rarely want to cooperate. If their parent isn't attending lesson, I am left to find out what is wrong and how to comfort them.

As I have not yet had children myself, and was the youngest child at home, this is often challenging for me. While I know what my advice may be, I also worry about stepping on the parents toes, or on values they may trying to teach their child. After all, I may think it works best to ignore bullies, but a parent might think talking to either the bully or the teacher is a better idea. It also becomes a concern of whether or not the parent is aware of the bullying going on. If the student may be telling me this in confidence because s/he does not want to share it at home, am I responsible for telling his/her parents anyway? Although it is certainly their responsibility to know, if I betray that confidence I also run the risk of my student not coming to me if it happens again, and still not telling his/her parents.

Another area to be careful about is values, beliefs, political views, etc. I may be a Gay Pride activist in my free time, but that doesn't mean I can have rainbow symbols all over my studio. I may be for Palin or Obama, but I can't hang a sign in my window or on my lawn. We want both our students and our parents to feel comfortable in our studios, and broadcasting your political, religious, moral, or social views may cause conflict. Be very careful about what you reveal to your students, as they are still learning and developing their own beliefs.

We as teachers are responsible for our students' technique, theory knowledge, sight-reading skills, and 45 minutes to an hour of their attention for one day a week. We are also mentors and role models. A student-teacher relationship in a private lesson setting often develops over many years, and as a teacher you become a constant in your student's life in a different way than a parent, family member, or school teacher.

This may also mean that you are responsible for enforcing your student's good behavior in lesson. You don't want to assume that your students learned how to share, listen, and cooperate for every situation, and in group lessons, recitals, or individual lessons, that will fall on you to keep track of. You must be willing to tell a parent when their child is misbehaving, even at the risk of offending them. After all, they are paying you to teach their child for 45-60 minutes, and it is a waste of their money if you have to spend a large chunk of lesson waiting for their child to cooperate or settle down.

The bottom line is that being a private music teacher isn't just about the music. You have to be a parent, sister, teacher, and role model. Your students become your responsibility physically, emotionally, and morally when they come to lesson, and you need to be prepared for that.